stuck

right.... this is highly unusual of me... when i go to tokyo.. i usually stay a night in tokyo... am prepared for staying over.. bringing a huge overnight bag and the such.. but tonight.. i thought i was going to an art event and then returning home to my comfy bed... to maybe perhaps watch "australia" for the umpteenth time again... but.. unfortunately for me... this is not the scenario tonight/this morning... i am currently stuck in roppongi... without actually wanting to be stuck in roppongi... i really should be at home... resting... or at least, i should be with my girlfriends clubbing somewhere.. since im already here and all... but not tonight, im not feeling "it".. furthermore.. im actually "blogging".. this is highly unusual of me...

in many ways im stuck... i feel like im academically stuck, philosophically stuck, emotionally stuck, relationship-wise stuck... i need to digest all this shit... academically stuck... not inspired to do anything... i just want to read read read and not be bothered by anyone nor any classes and the crappy reports... i feel like im not going anywhere with this university.. and if i was what am i going to do in the future? i have big dreams but can i achieve it? am i chasing the dream or is the dream chasing me? after japan where next? will whatever i attain in japan be worthy in other countries? ugh.. so disillusioned right now.. i blame it on holden caulfield... fucking hate him... (catcher in the rye)

philosophically.. i dont know anymore.. on the path of self discovery i think? the system versus the anti-system.. do systems work? perhaps this is a cultural issue too.. im always in a heated debate with this one friend whom i am recently frantically - almost struggling to find reasons for our friendship.. seriously.. lately i ask myself.. why and how are we even friends? we are two completely different persons.. of opposite perspectives and polar temperaments... my friend here is so unbelievably care-free, passionate and hippie like.. so fucking naive...while i think myself to be quite cold and relatively conservative... our opinions collide when it comes to society, norms and systems.. to put it in simpler terms.. maybe my personality is that of the worker ant.. and maybe that person could be said that of the butterfly.. always wanting to be free.. unchained from society's expectations and rules... doing everything for the moment. to some extent i am like that... but i believe that systems are there for a reason... and we can never truly be free...im rambling.. and not getting to the point... forget this paragraph.. i get so angry i cant think even think about it.. those who have read catcher in the rye... just think about the person who hates and does not comprehend the mindset of holden caulfield.. so fucking stupid... get out of the system.. what are you stupid?!?!?! dont you know its futile?!?! theres no such thing as breaking free from the system.. you can change the system internally, or change to a different system but not break free from it... you either work with what you have and do the best you can to satisfy yourself... or else.. wait for death.. because thats when youre really free..what "phonies".. chibai

relationship wise stuck.. was referring to my estranged strained friendship with this certain person.. i know this person resents me for my beliefs.. my body image issues, my fashionista self, my major...ugh.. seriously.. how the eff are we friends? god i need my caffiene fix... its 2am... fuck caffiene.. i want a freaking long island iced tea.. but i shall continue with my frustrations.. on to the more assumed meaning of "relationship".. ive given up.. my standards are too freakking high... i blame it on all those years of disney and hollywood and recently bollywood... they shouldnt draw princes too handsome... they shouldnt make them have charismatic personalities and charming.. they should replace all the hot men in hollywood with realistic men... balding, beer bellies, rude, sexist and uncharming... that way, we girls wouldnt expect much of men from the real world.. ive tried lowering my standards.. but there are none.. mostly gay, married and type A bastards.. so now, im giving up my party lifestyle for a more bookish one.. i have 2 more years.. theres no point in me looking for a special someone now.. imma read all i can.. have fun when i can.. find opportunities to get out of japan if i can... or maybe just turn lesbian... now THAT would be an interesting chapter to my life...

damn i just realised halfway.. that in some way.. im sounding like fucking holden caulfield... have i become my own hated personality? repressed and depressed? perhaps... hmmm... but im still working for my goals.. or am i? man... im really stuck arent i? confused lost and completely out of mojo... ugh... im aging.. or perhaps im hanging out with the older crowd so much that ive mentally aged with them... thinking like them.. slowly throwing in the party towel.. and for my supposed age group, we could say im prematurely aging.. hahaha perhaps? no?

ahh.. much reflection needed.. maybe i should learn to let go.. be free from society? maybe my butterfly friend is right? i guess im angry because im afraid that this butterfly is right, and im in the wrong.. can you imagine my set of beliefs crumbling on myself.. it would hit hard just like when the Japanese emperor proclaimed that he wasnt God anymore, and the people were shaken to their very cores...

ah i want to know more... im going crazy with the need to know... and oh god.. its still only 218am... 3 hours till the first train out of here...it was either internetcafe/love hotel/karaoke or calling my friend who lives in odaiba.. but she didnt answer her phone.. so it was internet cafe... the cheapest of all... i wish i had my party mode right now... hitting the bar would be oh so fun... drinking cocktails... people watching... 223am...

ah stuck... and mojo-less and in roppongi...

these are extraordinary circumstances... most unusual at that...

POLYVORE

obviously, i had too much time in hand! my cousin was playing with it as well and she wanted to create a nice one for her blog and so i did two set.... . she didn't like them =( and thought her one is better than mine. what a noob! LOLLLL

the first one i did was a total epic fail... i saved it as a set in polyvore in the beginning but i edited it in the end so i don't have the link..only got a print screen as i left the tab open..my cousin said it looks like a very lazy piece of work(i totally agree.. was too lazy to add more stuffs) and it is more colorful than 200o rainbows combined? wtf..lol



this is the 2nd one! im quite proud of it hohoho


leather and silver + dark red - by lavender172 on Polyvore.com

then i edited the 1st one.. still looks dodgy... and now more than 1000000 rainbows combined! LOLSSS

COLORFULLL - by lavender172 on Polyvore.com

in act of severe lack of update, i shall post a totally nonsensical, completely unimportant, simply a waste of time to read post... about my recent purchases... some of you might even hate me for even going down this road for being completely superficial and simply wanting to show off... but really... i just want to share my love.. haahha it could be worse.. and also.. my parents would never check this site.. nyeheheh

so yeah... i bought loads of things ever since new years... i couldnt help myself.. in japan they have these magical "fukubukuros" which means lucky bags in english...福袋 its a beautiful concept! like fof the first two weeks of new year, all shops are obliged to sell them.. put random things inside these sealed bags and sell them for lowered prices... and every new year thousands rush to malls queuing, pushing, forgetting all manners and propriety because... shopping is survival mode now... each woman for herself? i guess it could be compared to UK's boxing day sales? sometimes the things inside are actually worth a WHOLE lot more than what you would normally pay them for.. so yeah.. it was beautiful..

I was literally on a high during those times... rushing to shops where attendants were screaming "time sale" buy two items and you get an additional discount of 20%.. oh the adrenaline rush...

LOL! looks rather similar to last year and the year before.. and the year before that.. (pfft!)

i had no money to save in jan.. ;(

there was a sale in ZARA!

so right... i started the year.. with supposed "resolutions"... i dont know if i did well or not.. i dont believe i bought a lot of things... i bought things that were cheap.. no more ridiculously absurd prices for simple things.... if anything.. its my electricity bills.. dang it! winter hurts... last month i had to pay 11000yen... DAYUMMMMMMMMMM

the oddities that i fell in lust for.. hehehe

cute house slippers which help "mop" the floor as you walk.. EHEHE keeps feet warm too!

a pretty pretty coat!

wabi socks! (socks for the japanese slippers?) these contemporary designed socks.. some of them are even featured in MoMA awesome no!?

the new headphones.. of the old ones died... ive been cycling around with only one function-able (left) earphone.. and occasionally when the wires are aligned(?!) the right earphone would slip back to action... and then fade out again... god dont you hate it when that happens?!

the boots that ive always wanted! like the sketchers.. but with heels! ahh love~

FUKUBUKURO #1

ah.. this is one PRIME example of a fukubukuro.. i bought all this for 10000yen! isnt that just a bargain.. there were more freebies but i was too lazy to retrace where i placed them.. and i know that the perfumes arent exactly the hottest things at the moment.. but thats a SHIT load of perfume eitherways... and i havent opened anyone of them yet!

this is a small portion of my ZARA haul... usually 12900 for the red blazer, i got it for 3900.. usually 15800 for them pumps.. i got them for 3900 too.. i got two other shirts and pants for 990 each! i wanted to buy another jacket.. but my friend had already bought it.. and i felt queasy about buying something that someone you knew already bought... i wore the boots today.. and FUCK my feet are crying... i was in a mall just now looking for books, and asian food materials.. but halfway, i crashed... my feet could not take another step... so i cycled home without much things.. sniff sniff.. the things we do for heels..

FUKUBUKURO #2

this set and more... (i didnt take pics of the scarves) is another example of a fukubukuro that i fell prey too.. the bag alone is 30000yen, but... in the fukubukuro.. all the pics above became 10000yen! haha oh and the golden thingymajig up there.. its a tube.. HAHAHAHA how random is that?! im thinking of wearing it as an awfully shiny and obscenely SHORT mini skirt.. hahaha after winter has gone...

other than that... ive been purchasing reading materials.. for my research, for my studies, for my vanity, for ME!

loves,
adeline
shopaholic extraordinaire